Please help!

Being a human, show some care, extend your hand to them, who have been suffering the immense pain of being HIV positive. Show that you care, show some hope and bring life to their deaden lives.

On this World AIDS Day, We request you to take out two minutes of your busy schedule and wear a red ribbon to show that you are there to fight for the people who are shackled by this disease, not because you are kind, but you are Human.

Hope to see everyone, coated with the act of humanity, Whether a Boss, Manager, Employee, Student or anybody, the world on this World AIDS Day, needs your participation.

Dec 1st. Wear white. Tie Red Ribbon

Gleaming Festival Wishes

Don’t blow the crackers they pollute the beautiful Environs

Celebrate this Diwali with lots of lights and colorful crayons

Add sweetness to your relations by sharing hugs and sweets

Do not exploit Mother Nature; treat her the way ‘she’ always treats

May this festival gift the gleaming rays of happiness to your soul

And the lights of Diwali lead you in your path to hunt your goal

Come out with your luminous hearts and souls to join in the carnival

May the heavens of delight offer you with an unforgettable festival

On this Diwali may you discover a prosperous and flourishing illumination in every single thing you take a glimpse of. 

May this enlightening festival bless you with ultimate bliss of finding the ‘constellation of love and purity’ in the world around you.

Burn down the worries instead of crackers and feed Mother Nature with lights and happiness instead of Pollution. Have a Happy and Eco friendly Diwali.

Priyanka Choudhary 

P!yu...

The Only Way Out

Everyday I wake up, turn back and look at the most charming face in this world, you lying next to me, holding my waist with gentle cuddle while sleeping. All I can think of is the fact that we have traveled miles together and I know this is an endless journey, beyond death, we have to walk together. The freedom of being alive that I have discovered in you is the shining pearl of happiness, which always adores my eyes with its glowing presence.

I remember our one of the several ‘over the coffee conversations’, where you and I would experience the “surrender-situation”, chained with charm of love and nothing was more beautiful than that. That warm sip of coffee in the cold evening and our charismatic togetherness.

“So what are your plans?” you began with a naughty smile…

“My plans? Regarding?” I replied, pretending to have missed your signals.

“I know that you know what I am saying” so swiftly you eliminated the distance between your lips n my ears. Whispering was enough to make me hear and entrap me in the magic of your magnetism.

Biting my lover lip to hold the sensations was the only possible remedy I could afford at that time. And I don’t remember when you put your warm palm on my cold, frozen left cheek, but I remember melting of my each heartbeat. Sipping coffee was not a good idea in that intoxicating moment.

The coffee kept waiting, the chillness of that cold winter night had almost frozen it, but we were still warm enough into each other’s arms. Those smooth temperate cuddles defeated the cold outside, couldn’t remember when we shifted to one chair. All I remember is, we both madly kissing, hugging, smiling and caressing one another.

“Lock me in your heart, forever. Treasure me … never let me go…” I had a lot more to whisper but your gentle finger on my lips interrupted me sweetly.

“shhhh.. Baby, I can’t lock you in here, I can’t close the doors as it is the only way out..” you were so intense.

“Who wants to go out?” I argued, “You want me to leave?” my voice trembled.

“I can never ever let you go; neither can I lock you inside…I just want you to be happy.” You made it very clear. Your words were firm enough to drive me insane.

“I don’t want to lose you at any cost, you understand, I will lock myself inside your heart and I will never ever open this door, no one can enter in here but me….Only me”.. I busted into tears.

“Honey, honey, Baby….please don’t cry.. Please ….” You were out of your senses now, the only thing you never wanted to let happen, my tears, crossing the boundaries of my eyelashes.

“No No No…  I know you want your heart to keep open for other bitches, so that they can hunt over you and come here intruding in my peace? Am I not the one you always dreamt of, tell me if I am not….are you still looking for someone better than me…” I had become a disaster till that moment.

“Honey I was just being practical… nothing else, my kiddo please don’t cry” and then you kissed my forehead. “you little disaster, you are my everything, I just want you to be free, want you to be real and I can never see my little heartbeat getting suffocated inside a locked heart.” You kissed me again.

“I love you” I opted for the only reasonable thing that fits in every conversation of two of us.

“Love never sets up boundaries, my heart is all yours and no bitch or dog or whatever can even enter without your permission, I just want you to set free, my open heart, that allows you to venture out whenever you wish to and to surround you with love whenever you’re tired.”

“I love you, I had lost my mind…I’m”

“shhh even me too seem to have lost my mind in love…come here lets lose minds and m make love…” ahh you always interrupt me with your sugar coated talks.

“I lov..mmm… you..mmmmmmmm” oops you kiss, at least you could have waited until I complete these three words. Hmmm

The sound of my sobs brings me back to the bed from the olden beautiful memories and you from the dreamless sound sleep. You look at me with affection and concern.

“kiddo… what happened…baby te…mmmmmm” aah you have taught me to interrupt like you in these twenty years.

After a long smooth good morning kiss I speak smoothly “I am not crying baby, just returned back from a beautiful trip, walked back a few steps and now I am back.. from the only way in and out… your heart and my world.”

I know I had uttered enough words for you to lock my lips. We immingle our breaths amalgamating our lips. The kiss lasts longer. It has the essence of our first kiss, actually every single kiss that we had enjoyed prior than that.

I love you my love. Thanks for never letting me feel suffocated.

strands of love

The way we are behaving now, it is going to lead us to darkness. The conflict that is striving to make its place in our relationship can be resolved though, but what is going to trouble is the imprints of this conflict on our heart, in our minds and the shadows of these quarrels in our behavior.

I don’t know what makes you think beyond my love for you and what makes me feel sick about your actions, knowingly that we both love each other and this love is eternal. But we are making sin with this undying love and the beautiful everlasting feeling is being buried under the dust of our baseless discussions for few impassible desires.

The bond we two share is afar our existence and this is what we have got as the most kindness side of life. The way this beautiful, mild and divine love happened in our lives, we experienced the amazement of being in trans. But soon, the other things got superior and we started ruining it.

Your heartlessness and my silence are killing the beauty of our attachment, even of we resolve it with discussions, the pain is going to grew denser. Love, lets take a walk back to the place, where we started. Let’s start all over again to make it last forever and nurturing it with our each blood drop, lets relive the promise and lets walk back!

I know this note will reach to you, as the knots we have tied from heart to heart are not too frail to split with the strain that our behavior causes. The strands of love have united us together; let’s fall into the everlasting cuddles and let the strands wrap us completely.

Dadda I love you

It has been a long time since I left home for completing your dreams and chasing my goal. I have now become almost used to this strange environment and I have learnt living independent. I can cook now, I can go market alone and buy stuff and in fact I can cross the road without holding your hands. Guess I am a big gal now. I hardly get time for thinking about you. I have got work to do; initially it was studies and now its office.

You never complaint that I don’t call and generally don’t answer the phone because you understand that I am busy and I have job hovering over my head, but whenever I look at the goals that I settled up for myself they seem too far, though I have travelled miles in chasing them.  And this is the reason that I have left everything behind. Time, my place, my family and I barely get time to visit you.

Whenever I miss the childhood moment when you would teach me the tough lessons of my history subject and you would bring mangos for me every afternoon, I burst into tears but I somehow console my heart that the day would come when I will be someone very famous and then I will spend my days with you; BeAuTiFuL dAyS .Tough I know that life is in ‘today’ but the shiny hopes concerning future, keep me going

I live among the people who underestimate me and harass me and annoy me like hell, yeah there are a few who care for me sometime, there are a very few people who jump with  me when I achieve something, I miss jumping with you and hugging when I used to win trophies in my school days.

The road I travelled is a one way road, which has no coming back but I know that you and your wishes are walking parallel to me and that is the driving force that drives me to go on. I was your best buddy and I always saw you as a strong person, when I grew up I started feeling the softness inside my heart and mom was the reliable and sensible choice to share all those softness and that was the reason that I started spending more time with mom and gradually you and I started interacting less.

But I know that we silently say millions of worlds to each other. No matter how big I become,  for you I will always be the little baby who didn’t have to bother wearing diaper when she was in your lap. No matter the heights of life I touch but you shoulder will be the highest place for me ever, from where I could see the dance of jokers in the fairs above the heads of tall people. May be being the participants in sophisticated race of life, I have forgot the innocent way of showing my possession over you and somehow the same has happened to you but the feelings in the hearts are same and they will never ever change because you are the best dad and I am the daughter who will never stop striving for being best part of your life.

There have been phases when you have been left alone and hurt by life, you have seen the dark days and you never complained, you tried to keep everything in your heart, life has been really cruel at times and this may be the reason that sometimes you look so tired. I want to kiss away all the pain that you went through and I wish to erase the lines of tension on your forehead. I know you love me and I am your forever princess. Trust me dad I never thought of changing you in any manner you are the best and I love you more than anything in this world. I stopped showing because there was no other way left but dadda I love you.

set my soul free

I am dead and cold, travelling on a terrible lane

The fear of losing you forever is driving me insane

The coating on my soul is flanking off, every single day

Cut down my nerves and save me from this dreadful decay

The assassination of my emotions has squelched the little life in me

I had seen enough of suffering in your love, please set my soul free  

The way soreness has sucked my soul, has really been heartless 

The bloodsheds are still embossed on the dead heart that I possess

I hide behind the frail gasps; because I am too weak to face the stress

Come touch the lifeless body of mine, feel what I live with- a void frigidness

I stand frozen listening to the silence of my soul that synchs with restless yet calm sea

The trembling silence of my painful groans cries out loud to say, please set my soul free    

The few false hopes

I usually sit accompanied with silence, thinking about the moments that I generally don’t want to think of.

Though I have made peace with the pain and have allowed the stings of pain to pierce my senses whenever they wish to, but sometimes I feel suffocated with this pain and your everlasting existence in my thoughts. The situation is knotted with millions of invisible threads. The threads i am very familiar with and the knots that your absence tied.

Though the pain has gone denser, deep in my heart and it doesn’t reflect in my eyes now but I can feel its presence, deep down in my heart, piercing my each nerve until they bleed to wash away my strength to survive without you. The thing that we two shared and we named it “love” has melted with the wetness of my eyes and dampness caused by the blood-loss that my feelings experienced every new second.

It has been a long time since all this happened, you and I parted our ways, things are back to normal and we are now a forgotten ‘case’, buried in the ashes of time. You have headed your ways, leaving everything behind that had something to do with the bond between ‘you and me’. And you know what, it is too late for me to complaint for all this, as I said, our ‘case’ has been closed, buried and forgotten.

So why am I writing this if there are no issues so far. If I act naturally and be honest than the answer would be, May be I still miss you. May be my emotions that are buried under the ruins of time are still alive, feel suffocated and yearn to breathe. May be the heartbeats that had lost their meaning in your absence are still not convinced with the verdict of time and may be the false hopes that one day you will need me like I do, are bigger than the reality I am aware of that you have left everything which connected you with me, behind.

The few false hopes that are keeping me alive. May be thinking of you is the only way to survive, I am left with.

Beautiful stupidities

Remember you and I wandered around the streets of the city like crazy people, just to hunt a guitar for you. Gosh! You were so excited and over enthusiastic about your newly learnt lesson that whatever you wish to do, just do it. No wait, no need to hesitate and that really made you energetic enough to get out on the streets in the burning afternoon of May. And I had to come with you, no other option was left as we were friends and the basic rule of friendship emphasizes on the act of equally participating in the stupidities that the other chum does.

My legs had almost resigned and then finally we found one music instruments’ store. Hell! It was antique and unique enough to catch my eyeballs, I loved the interior and you indeed loved the each and every guitar placed there, gosh! You had a disorder of being a rock-star those days and I was the only fan you had, eham eham! Forced fan I would say.

“Ohk that one, naah something is missing, this one is cool, I hate the color, I need combo of this colour and that design and blah blah blah…” you kept saying things and I kept staring on the multi coloured walls and some beautiful instrument pieces. Finally you selected one. We contributed the coins that we collected for years in hostel days and there u were holding the guitar in hand exactly as a warrior does after winning the battle and I was there with you to share the celebration.

We celebrated until we reached home and you didn’t sleep that night, neither could I because a crazy little devil was banging the strings of guitar in awful manner and it sounded like a torture, but for you it was fun, the hidden guitarist inside you had its all senses stirred up and you were indeed geared up to continue that head-hammering live concert for whole night. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get that fever of being rock star out of your head so I joined in and we kept hitting the strings until our stomach started hurting with excessive laughter.

Ahww those were the days, you and I had time to implement our silly thoughts in our real life and turning dreams into reality meant life for us. Sometimes I notice that guitar of my rock-star friend, kept in one corner of the room; a layer of dust has made itself permanent there, you don’t bother even touching it and I notice it every time but I don’t bother bothering about your this doing.

I notice that you are not fine so do you, because whenever my heart says, “she’s not well”, the voices inside my head interrupt, “so am I”.  Things are complicated, so I prefer to keep quite. Things got changed because we let them. We changed our priorities, we broke the unsaid promises. We parted our ways, because we somewhere had no time to think about cherishing the days we spent together, golden days I would say.

We still talk, sit together, discuss issues, but what we have stopped doing is the bunch of stupidities, that made us feel like the free flying happy birds. Don’t know what is wrong; guess this is how it goes! But really miss the stupidities that we compromised for no reason!

On your birthday

Dear Kid,

Since the day you were born, I have experienced a slice of my existence growing in you. When I look at you, growing everyday, moving ahead in your life, unfolding each day with happiness and accepting each thing coming through with faith as a gift of Lord. In you, I see a beautiful woman that I ever dreamt to be. In you I see a spark to accomplish my dreams that I have carried half of the way and rest of them I have left for you, as a responsibility. I know I can keep writing millions of pages on your birthday to tell you what you are for me, but I have a better line to say.

“You are the one who will carry me across the generation by carrying my teaching and feelings in your existence. You will complete me and make me alive in this world, even when I will not be here. I love you my daughter. I am proud to be your MOTHER”

Love

Mom.

My princess,

You are the most precious thing I have ever achieved. You are the only dream of my eyes, which I nurture every time. I know you will fly in the skies of success and on your birthday, I want to tell you that whether you become a successful person in your profession or not (oh1 I know baby you definitely will), but you will be a successful daughter ever, and you are a sweetheart. You are the dream of my eyes that makes me smile and on the day you were born, I received the most beautiful gift ever and on your each birthday, I realize that this beautiful gift is forever mine.

“Love you my beautiful and shining dream.”

Hugs

Dad

My doll,

Do you know why I call you a doll, because the day you were born, I got a doll, which had beautiful curly hair and shiney black eyes and an everlasting battery that made you walk, talk, smile, blink those beautiful starry eyeballs. You were my favorite toy to play with and I hugged the whole world by hugging you. You have always been the one who were sent on the earth to tie a beautiful knot on my hand on the day of “Rakhi” and make me realize that I am not alone on that day. For me you are a beautiful doll, my little sis, who cares for me, joins hands and does prayers for me, you are the one who has made me realize that I am big and responsible.

“Love you my little doll, my all wishes are for you, forever, my little pride”

Love

Bro

On my birthday, I wanna thank God for blessing me with Mom, Dad and Bro. there could never have been any beautiful gift than this. Dear God thanks for blessing me with such a wonderful gift.

Love Mother, Father and Brother.

Piyu

I wish you to be here

Awhh this soothing breeze and moonlight melting from the sky

This creates perfect aura to make love or to miss someone and cry

I wish to capture the stars in my eyeballs, the way they appear

The sweetened night is passing by slowly; baby I wish you to be here

I am lying down on the edge of the mysteriously calm seashore

Remember the way I would surrender to you and you would adore?

The eyes have started shedding the salty rain, come wipe the tiny tear

Ouch the tiny drop has reached till my lips, baby I wish you to be here

My eyeballs hold an impression of u exactly as ocean holds of moon

The heartbeats have gone crazy now, I can hardly wait, come soon

I am all afraid of lonesomeness, come hold me and vanish my fear

Just to show you the moon behind my eyelashes, baby I wish you to be here

Taking a deep breath and engraving these verses on my heartland is all I do

The night is calm and I wanna scream out loud, “baby I can’t live without you”

Hold me when I scream, seal my lips and whisper your love smoothly in my ear

I wanna melt down in your arms like the moonlight, baby I wish you to be here

My eyes, a “piece of Gadget”

I have been trying writing for this contest since the moment it was introduced, I love writing but I rarely participate in contests and all. But this time I have the urge of participation to its highest extent as my mother wanted me to do so. Though she is not much aware about blogging and stuff but she is aware of the fact the she has full faith in her daughter and the gift of Lord which her kid possesses.

I tried hard to write on the topic “How my gadgets reflect my personality”, but ended up drawing a few aimless and funny sketches on the pages of my diary because I really didn’t have anything to write and the reason behind this was, ‘I never possessed gadgets as such’.

I have been through various gadgets though; a laptop of my roomie, Camera of my brother’s best friend, ipod of my US returned cousin, iphone of my lofty classmate and blah blah blah. I never had and I still don’t have any gadget as an owner, except my Nokia C3 mobile phone, which is indeed more than a gadget as it is a gift. There have been reasons for not being a gadget freak but there has always been a desire of buying a few for me one day.

So, trying hard to write down something fake to win prize and see my mother smiling was the only possible way but I am too bad at this, so I somehow made my heart understand the issue and requested it to make my mother understand the same and I gave up.

But today morning, mother called up and said, “Piyu, kid! It’s the last day of your contest, did you submit your entry”.

I was half asleep, but I could make out the level of faith and curiosity from her voice, I tenderly said, “will do it today maa.”

So here I am, without any experience with gadgets, but yeah I can give it a try in a different way.

If I were a Machine...oh I wish I really were.

It’s all a work of imagination though, but sometimes I wonder if I were a Machine. I would have been a full package of various Gadgets. My mind would have been the “Master CPU” containing all the memory, controlling the whole system and operating it all.

Considering me as a machine makes my each body part a Gadget, but the Gadget which reflects my personality is “A beautiful pair of eyes”. My eyes are the high quality, lets say HD quality cameras offering me audio as well as video feature. They capture each moment passing by and send them to the smart “Master CPU” and the mastermind decides which one to keep, which one to discard and which one to treasure for forever.

My eyes are the ‘piece of Gadget’ that speaks, blinks, works automatically and pours a strange liquid when any problem takes place.

That’s not all, my eyes posses a home screen as well, no power backup required, just need to put down the outer veil of eyelashes and I can watch any pre-recorded, creation of my mind, the places where I have been or may be the landscapes that I have never ever seen.

I thank God for gifting me with such a wonderful Gadget for lifetime & above all, free of cost.

Whenever I meet new people they say, “Your eyes speak a lot, they are very expressive and they reflect your entire personality.”

So that’s how I can rate my eyes as a “piece of Gadget” that reflect my personality.

This post has been written for:

Dell inspiration contest- Change is Easy

Sometimes it’s okay to let Go…

There is a box of pain and bad memories in heart; every smile ends up with tears because happiness and pain go hand in hand. The ones who were close to our heart are strangers today, things are not the same. Someone else has taken our place in our special one’s heart. Sounds unfair, hard to accept, seems unreasonable, pinching but sometimes it’s okay to let go.

Every new moment, every coming moment in life is enveloped mysteriously; don’t know what will come out when life will unfold it. People meet, walk together, get separated, go on different ways, their memories hit our mind, we miss them and eyes shed million of tears in their memory, it seems impossible to breathe without them, but sometimes it’s okay to let go.

There comes few turns where life means nothing, emptiness takes it all over, the ones for whom you fought with the whole world their behavior changes with a blink of an eye, they leave you in the middle of journey and walk away, without even looking back for once, they never come back and their absence draws you to a dark cave , full of pain drenching your soul. It takes a lot to make your heart understand that those who were your whole world have betrayed you. But sometimes it’s okay to let go.

When a wounded heart starts remembering those flashed of pain, which has built a “rigid yet broken” you, it wishes to scribble down each and every pain on the pages of that old diary, which you had purchased to write beautiful moments of life, years ago. Heart cries silently and feels the urge to mention each and every pain it went through, but after a few lines it surrenders. Because, sometimes it’s okay to let go.

I am still afraid of darkness

Remember the blunder that I created when you genuinely asked me for a night out and it took at least more than three hours for you to convince me that you asked me that thing casually, not otherwise.

“I am not that type of girl; do you think I really am?”I repeated this phrase infinite times.

And I am sure you were regretting asking this casual question from the all-time-confused and ‘a lot to handle kind of girl’.

You somehow made my complicated mind understand that going out didn’t mean that we would do something inappropriate; it’s just that you wanted a few amatory moments with me, beneath the silver moon.

You expressed it so calmly and beautifully, remember I would say that you are a magician and you would smile gently, here’s the reason for my almost every-day statement. The way you would stay calm to make me understand whatever you wished to communicated, even after my obstinate behavior against all your valid and thoughtful points.

That’s not the only basis; there were plenty of reasons for calling you a “magician”, may be my words would fall short to express the grounds, as your presence in my life, itself was a “Magic”.

Yeah so finally I was convinced for the moonlight moments and you were happy, we settled up all the plans, as I agreed to stay out with fou, beneath the silver moon, until 11 pm SHARP…

Like always you planned everything so smartly, the pickup, the drop, the place and the timings. We decided to meet up at 7 pm on Sunday evening and the place was still a surprise for me.

Oh..!! Now I was nervous, what to wear, how to react, the major point for being nervous was “finding an excuse for staying out of home, ahem-ahem a reasonable and acceptable excuse.” You helped me in that as well. I finally managed to dominate the nervousness with a cheesy face.

I could sense the soul-stirring experience when you veiled my eyes with a satin ribbon and whispered “I waited so long for this fragile second”.

I trembled … trembled… and trembled. You were holding me, you ‘the only desire of my heart’.

“When can I remove this?” I asked hesitantly.

“Once we reach beneath the moonlight” you answered.

“But I am afraid of darkness” I said in a slow panicking tone.

“I am here with you” you whispered again.

I held your hands and spoke three silent words, “I trust you”.

I knew that you heard my silence.

Throughout the ride, we kept on talking, holding each other; the cool breeze was tempting us to stay closer and closer. I wished that journey to last forever. I knew I could walk a lifetime with you with closed eyes and holding your hands.

This wonderful feeling landed us to the place, you chose for this wonderful “Half-night out”.

You held me in your arms and removed the satin ribbon gently, I opened my eyes and looked around, it was beautiful, we were beneath the open wide sky, somewhere among the hills, in the valley, that had turned completely dark and the moon was playing hide n seek.

I turned up and looked at you, you were looking at me with passion and affection, I came closer to you and you did the same. We held each other, the amalgamation of our breaths was tantalizing. We held our breaths for a moment until our lips immingled. It lasted for so long; we experienced the intensity of emotions and blended into each other’s hug.

The few raindrops approached us, the drizzle was on, I opened my eyes to check-out what was happening and yours were still closed.

I looked around, the scene had changed completely, the valley was darker than anything and the moon had disappeared, I shivered inside and sighed with fear.

My gentle sigh was enough to bring you back from your heavenly fantasies and you drew me closer in your hug.

“What happened love?” You were worried.

“I am afraid of darkness…I’m just” I was still shivering.

“Shhhh…baby..Don’t be afraid, I am here” you hugged me tightly.

I put my face on your chest and pushed myself towards you. You caressed me, your every tender touch started healing me and the fear began to disappear. Then you took out your lighter out of your pocket and lit it up right before my eyes. I was relaxed to see the beam of light and we looked into one another’s eyes.

Then you said the most beautiful lines ever, “sweetheart, whatever the situation comes, I am here with you, I won’t teach you to fight with darkness, I will rather stand by you forever to fight with the dense darkness, and I will never let the darkness touch you.”

I was soothed and secured, happiness cuddled me in that very moment and so did you.

We embraced….

And now, sometimes when I sit back near my window and look at the street in the darker nights, I think to myself whether you really happened in my life ever or it was merely a dream.

The thought emerges, troubles me until the fatigue takes over my body and I fall asleep.

But baby..!! I am still afraid of darkness.

Now what next?

What is the point of being in love, when you are you and I am me, there is no concept of us, I remember the instant, when for the very first time you said something against me, it frightened me, tore me deep down, I was shocked and stunned, couldn’t even express the way I felt, I shivered inside, but I kept quite because I thought speaking on my behalf would be against the feeling of love, because in love, two people thinks about “us” speak about “us” and dream about “us” there remains no existence of the thing called “I”.

Like others me too had a delusion that our love is different and we are into each other, no ego, nothing else. But it didn’t take so long to break that false impression.

We too started the discussions, the discussions that turned out to be quarrels and painful fights. The initial days when I preferred to keep quiet and expected you to listen to my silence, vanished soon; I had to join the argument and then everything was a mess, you were you and I was me, the concept of “us” was no longer alive.

Because I am no one to decide, may that be the reason that I failed to separate myself and to build the existence of “me”, though I tried but I failed. Because I am no one to tell you that I miss you because you still think that I don’t love you. Because I am no one to express my love because you have a doubt that I don’t possess any love for you.

Baby, what if I am afraid of losing you, what if I can’t walk a single step without you, what if I miss you like anything and what if I just want to be with you like we used to be “us”. What if the lonesomeness kills me, what if I am nothing without you?

But yeah one thing is surely there, you are you and I am me. I don’t know how do you feel but I can sense that “we are all alone”

We started. We loved. We dreamt. We joined our destinies. We promised. We broke them. We separated.

Now what next? Tell me…

Answer me…

May be you will never know, the way my heart bleeds, when I see myself as a cruel heartless person through your eyes. May be you will never know that the day I fell in love with you, I forgot to see myself through my eyes. Will you ever wish to know?

Answer me…

The way my each nerve loves you, doesn’t reach to your heart and each drop of my blood, filled with love for you, is not enough to make you believe that how much I love you, then what is the right way of loving?

Answer me…

When you hurt me with your pointy sharp words, when you blame me unnecessarily, you point out my feelings; you raise doubts for my each beautiful feeling for you. Do I not have the right to feel sad and be silent for a while?

Answer me…

You have always ended up each quarrel making me realize that I have made a mistake, I admitted each time, I silently sat back and waited for you to see the pain behind my eyelashes, but the wait seemed eternal, I am still looking at you with all my hope, will you ever turn back to read my eyes?

Answer me…

Answer me, can you answer any of my questions, do you have any clue the way I am dying inside every little second and may be you will never know that the person you think you are in love with, too has a heart, which may get hurt and injured, will you?

Answer me…

It’s okay to cry

I was upset, sitting alone; I didn’t really know what to do and how to get rid of the bug that was eating my head since morning. I was quiet, looking around with oddly arid eyes. I was in pain, but I couldn’t express it because of the surety that no one would care, this is what life had taught me throughout the years that when you are in pain, people laugh or stay neutral and a few of them express fake concern and soon they walk away.

I was too obtuse to grasp the tough lessons of life, so I got punished by the universal teacher several times. And imprints of those punishments got stamped on my memories, in form of bitter yet true experiences. I learnt from the lessons that if you want to survive without getting wounded, you have to wear a mask and never show your soft side to anyone.

And I succeeded in applying this lesson in my life, but it was tough, I had to struggle every time and this is what I was doing that day, sitting alone at the corner of basket ball court.

I would have seated there for few more minutes to hold the pain and hide it behind the social smile like other days, but guess life had a new chapter to begin and that’s why you joined in to break the routine or may be to guide me in parting the mask from my soft, mild existence.

“Why so sad?” you began to speak by sitting beside me.

“Who’s sad?” I pretended to answer you, but questioned instead.

“I know we are new to each other and you may be a kind of person who doesn’t want to share things or pretends to be strong, but hey just wanna say that sometimes it’s okay to be soft and its okay to cry.” You stunned me with your soft and straight words.

I couldn’t say anything, how penetrating your eyes were; you astonished me with your straight reach to my heart. But in that very second, you taught me the biggest lesson which missed in life’s classes, I must be sleeping that time..lol

My eyeballs started pouring out the salty rain and I cried in front of you, forgot that we were just friends, who met a few days ago, not much familiar to each other, you consoled me. The shield that I built and maintained for years seemed never existed for you.

That very moment brought us closer, we started sharing a special place in each other’s life, we were happy, getting closer and closer each new day.

But things changed with time, aha! change, the only thing which I always fail to handle. You walked away, you didn’t mention any reason for going & I couldn’t even ask for it.

Your presence dissolved in the air like a particle of vapor, as if you never existed. Your absence started killing me virtually; I was dying inside because in those years of togetherness I had completely forgotten to live without you.

I was feeling nerveless, dying to hold you in my arms, helpless and too frail to shatter into pieces. And those were the lonesome nights when I cried, cried like hell and survived.

Because I remembered the lesson you taught me that sometimes it’s okay to cry!

I thanked you for unfolding this secret of life to me, I still thank you and will always do coz your this phrase is keeping me alive.

Still in love with you

Since last six months a quirky thought of cleaning my wardrobe was wandering across the highway of my head, and I as usual was trying to be calm and avoid this thought at my best and I succeeded for so long, six long months, I mean that’s an achievement within itself ya.

But finally came the moment where I had to surrender, I had no option left because my mother has declared the ultimatum that she would kick me out if I don’t consider her order of cleaning the ‘mess’, yeah the ‘mess’ she called it.

So I began with the mission cleanup, in wake to make my mother happy with neaten and tidy up closet.

Okay now from where to start was a big issue, but somehow I managed to pick the upper corner first. Mom was right, it was a mess, things were shattered here and there and one thing which is still troubling me is what the hell was a half consumed mango was doing in the drawer, though it was wrapped in a polythene, anyways ignore it, like I did.

After winning the battle and cleaning the upper battleground, I proceeded further and soon I was there at my favorite corner, the downside of the closet, where I had treasured a few beautiful moments of my life in the form of cards, goodbye diaries scribbled by dearest pals, a few blur roses who had lost their charm but a faint sweet fragrance was still there and a photo album to refresh the wispy flashes of good times.

I was lost in that corner completely and couldn’t even notice that I had rearranged most of the area; I was looking at each tiny element of my precious treasure and placing it to the right place with full care. But there was a thing which I couldn’t help to hold in my hands and open it even after the continuous conflict between my heart and mind. It was the most valuable treasure I possessed, the photo-album.

I held it in my hands for a few minutes, embraced it and my each eyeballs urged to put a glance on those golden moments. I opened it, page by page, picture by picture, I found myself floating in the ocean of emotions, aha! Those beautiful times.

And then at the end, it was your picture, covered with a pink paper, doing this was one of my effort to keep you away from my eyes and never let them see you because I was afraid that once I look at you, I may fall in love with you again, the heart started beating faster than anything and I gave up.

I was on my knees in front of my heart’s deeds.

I tardily unfolded the pink envelope in wake to see your face after a long time. The moment your face appeared, I was cold like ice, frozen yet feeling the heat inside the heart, the heat that would come out through my heart every day after seeing you.

Your every picture was craving me to hear your voice, my each nerve started missing you badly, your smiles, the secrets we shared, the addiction of your scent was still there intoxicating my blood, and the fascinating fantasies to hold you in my arms were evoked.

I had restricted my mind to think about you since I last time saw you and my mind cheated me, misguided me that it had got over you and you are gone, but no, you went nowhere, you are here, etched deep into my soul. My heart lied to me and kept you safe, hidden in the deep soft corner of it.

I loved you, knowingly that you would never be mine, you had your paths decided, but I couldn’t stop loving you baby, maybe I was too weak to get you out of my desires or maybe too strong to love you unconditionally.

You did what you had to do, you walked away because your presence was never meant to last forever, and I tried hard to move on because this was the only option left.

I tried hard, I thought I succeeded and I was happy to know that my heartbeats have learnt to survive without your essence, but your one thought ruined this deception.

I kissed your picture again and again, hugged it and kept crying by keeping it near to my heartbeats.

The every teardrop soaked up by my pillow was enough to make me realize that “Baby! I’m still in love with you.”

"I Love you Papa" *HuGs*

Dear Daughter,

I know that your little sharp mind is thinking to its best to make plans to celebrate the day called “father’s day”, because people say that it’s father’s day, your dad’s day.

And taking this into account that it’s my day, so being a father I would like to bring up a few of my feelings on this note:

Before you thank me for being your father, let me share something that is here deep in my heart.

Kid! the day you were born, I became father and from then onwards my each new day was “father’s day”. A father’s day of love, a day of affection, a day of responsibilities, a day of care, a day of question-answers and a day of fatherhood.

Before you say that you are blessed to have me as your father, I would like to express how honored I feel to have you as a caring, sweet and beautiful daughter. Before you begin with the celebrations of today’s day to make it special, I would like to thank you for making my each new day special with your presence.

My little sweet fairy, my princess you have been a fresh flower of my every morning and little angelic star of my  each dark night. No matter you fall back or win in your life you will be my CHAMP forever.

Dear Kid! It’s so sweet to see all of your efforts to make this day special, but I just want to say that, a hug and saying “I love you Papa” will do.

Love

Dad

                                                           *HuGs* "I Love you Papa"

I wish to color the dead faint rose

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It has been ages, since I last time saw you; you have gone, leaving me in the middle. You walked away, you never looked back and you disappeared from my life exactly as morning dew disappears when the sun hits the flower petals.

Life has changed its meaning; those bygone moments are nowhere, it’s only me, standing all alone, holding the dead faint rose that you ever gave to me. I remember when the rose was alive and happily engrafted to its mother; you jumped up the railing to pluck it and I shouted restlessly.

“hey no, no, no..!! don’t pluck else it will die…!!”

And it was too late like always, you had already parted it from the rose-plant. And there you were, on your knees in front of me in the middle of the path, spreading your charming smile and alluring me to kiss your irresistibly inviting lips. I was overwhelmed, blushing and the pure beauty of your love reddened my cheeks, and then you began.

“sweetheart, my love will never let this rose die, accept my love in the form of this rose and I promise I will nurture it forever and will keep it red with the effect of each blood-drop flowing in my nerves.”

Oh my Gosh…!! You’d already taken it all over, the rosiness of that rose and your cute way to propose almost killed me with happiness, I couldn’t say anything and just ran towards you to push myself into your arms.

That moment was divine, that hug was divine and the kiss that we shared was tempting like old sweet wine.

“Look at the beauty of that time; it still makes my words rhyme”

But these little sweet rhymes are not enough to bring you back here; you have chosen your paths and your decision to break all those mild promises is sturdy.

I know you will never ever come back to nurture this dead, faint poor rose, I guess you have forgot everything with time and so should have been done by me, but I failed. I failed to get you out of my mind, I failed to overcome your scent, I failed to defeat those smooth romantic flashes, I failed to escape your memories and I failed to keep this rose alive and red.

But now my heart wants to forgive you and to free myself from the shackles of pain which your love gifted me.

I too deserve happiness and I want to add the blissful colors to my black& white life.

I am holding the faint rose in my hands, the only ‘alive piece’ of your memories and I wish to COLOR it RED. The black pain has taken over my love and has rotten and ruined it. The symbol of this love “that dead-faint rose” which rested in my diary for years, waited you to come and nurture it with your love has decided to hold back forever.

And it’s the time to color the wispy memories which has turned black and white.

I wish to color the dead faint rose.

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"A piece of poetry"

A few verses are being engraved on my heartland.

Some of them are lucid; a few are hard to understand.

I wonder sometimes, who whispers the verses into my ears.

With each breath, A piece of poetry emerges and disappears.  

I walk down the lane of my soul, all alone, lost somewhere.

Every day, I discover the new blossom flying in the air.

I find the little happiness taking me away from all the fears.

With each breath, A piece of poetry emerges and disappears.

No matter how hard life examines and the day ends up in ashes.

Every new day, a new hope knocks at the edge of my eyelashes.

Life plays amazing games, bliss dances at times, sometimes pain fleers

With each breath, A piece of poetry emerges and disappears.

Eyes are the destination of dreams; heart is a home for hopes.

The beauty of life is in its flow, the course of time  never stops.

A one of its kind conversation, where I keep quite but life still hears.

With each breath, A piece of poetry emerges and disappears.

I just love the way my heart Loves you

Love the moment, when you happened in my life for the first time and took over the “whole world of mine” and you became my “whole world” in that only moment.

Love the way you rule my heart all the time, it’s you, your scent that drives me fervent, your absence kills me and a little avid ambition to hold you in my arms gives me strength to survive.

You are my strength, my weakness, my only desire, the fire in which my heart wants to get burnt down, you are the reason of my smile and every little drop falling from my eyes has your essence.

Just love it when you touch my heart with your charisma and take my breath away, love the times when I beg you to stay, just love the joining of my hands when you’re the only reason to pray.

Love the every single stupidity which I do to impress you, love the way I look into your eyes and you trap with your addictive glances, baby! I just love the way you rule my senses.

Love, I just wanna say, I’m madly in love with you.

&  I just love the way my heart Loves you.

"i take my words back"

The way you have become now, I am sorry that I ever loved you.

Those moments I wasted away on you, I guess saying sorry to them will do.

I wanna end it here before you give my mild feelings a whack

Once I said “i love you”, okay now,i take my words back

I’m apologetic to the rose petals I crushed to find out whether you love me or not.

I am regretful that I did anything you said without giving a single thought

May be you own everything beauteous, it’s a pure heart that you lack.

Once I expressed “i trust you deeply”, okay now, i take my words back

I am sorry for the swears you broke and the promises I kept

I couldn’t even count the days and hours, how long I wept

My feelings are rotten and ruined; I couldn’t escape your blanched attack

Once I promised “i'll be with you forever”, okay now, i take my words back

I am deeply regretful to those Myriad moments I wasted on you

The dreams that I adorned in my eyes were never meant to be true

You left me in middle of  the darkened ways, everything around  is dreadful and black

Once I swore “you're my whole world”, okay now, i take my words back

“fall of leaves”

Whenever I go out for a walk, I can see the roads covered with leaves. My mother says its “fall of leaves”, teacher explains its season of defoliation, but I am not convinced, I feel something else.

I can sense the sadness in the surroundings; I can feel the pain of the trees that are going through the phase of separation.

I can’t put my gaze away from a tiny leave, which is falling on the earth. For a few seconds it floats in the air and then lands on the road, its alone, away from its habitat, that makes me sad. I am worried about these tiny leaves that are bound to move according to inclination of air.

Mother says its circle of life, exactly as human beings live their lives till a certain point and then they leave it forever.

I understand what mother says, but there is an inherent sadness in this “fall of leaves” and I can sense it.

A beautiful sadness which allures me and invites me in and I keep on walking on the leaf-covered roads until it gets dark and street lights hit the ways.

I will keep quiet until u would care to listen

Whatever I am going to write here may seem as quarrel or you may think that I am in bad mood because you have hurt me; yeah at some extent you are right, but baby you are missing the most important thing which you should’ve noticed first of all. How can you snub the fact that you doll is quite.

Yes I am not speaking, the silence has taken it all over, do you remember the way I hugged you and said silence kills me, the emptiness inside the heart would take me away from you.

I begged you to never let this void take over my soul, you promised.

I was sure you meant that promise, But fate wasn’t convinced with my happiness. You overlooked my deeds of sharing my words with you.

You didn’t care to listen. I tried, didn’t work, tried again, you neglected. I fell silent.

You are now asking me the reason for doing this. You want me to speak, me too wish to come out of this hell of soreness, but you are not giving your hand to pull me out of this, you are standing there, looking at me and waiting for me to speak and I am waiting for the day when you would really care to listen, like I do.

 

 

Trust me baby! I will keep quiet until u would care to listen.

"Goodbye Kiss"

My heart tries hard but it can’t escape the flashes when we would have our “Goodbye kiss”

I can’t run away from the memories, I can’t get away from the tunes of your heartbeats.

I can’t get myself out of those tempting moments when I used to turn back and kiss your smooth lips with mine at the time of goodbyes. Those sugary and romantic goodbye kisses and going through the instants of holding you in my arms and pushing myself into yours.

Passing passionate glances to each other and kissing again....

The kisses at the time of meeting seemed unlike; they had an essence of ecstasy and joy of closeness and desire of being together for more n more time. But what used to turn our end of the meetings, sensational, was our deep, divine n romantic, “goodbye kiss”.

The kisses at hellos were a symbol of the fact that we had completed our promise at the time of our previous goodbye kiss and what every goodbye kiss meant was... “Will see you again sweetheart and that’s a promise” this promise was unsaid and unheard... Just sensed... 

I remember coming all the way long to see you, to feel the hugs of bliss. The baseless talks and endless walks, Remember talking to you and us kissing each other after every single word. Your fingers sliding through my curl locks, and you tickling my fingertips with yours and the way my cheeks would turn red.

Whenever I go back in the olden times I find myself collecting all those moments, like I am collecting beautiful stones on a beach... The beach of the ocean of my emotions “my heart”

The portrait of our smooth kiss, which I captured with closed eyes, is still here, safe into my eyelashes.

I know time never comes back; it’s the memories, treasured in our hearts which last forever.

“Our every single goodbye kiss” is Safe, here, deep in my heart.

Sometimes when I walk on the foregone roads the flashes of previous times appear right in front of my eyes and I literally see “you & me”... feeling the essence n depth of our goodbye kiss.

♥