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Priyanka...
P!yu

Meet the Princess

April 10, 2014

Close Encounters of the Smelly Kind: My Corporate Stinky Story

After all, Life is all about मेहनत का पसीना But, how to deal with the situation, when the पसीना stinks like hell?? Lets find out together!

Alrighty! This Stinky Experience of mine belongs to Corporate World. So why don’t we just take a quick look that how corporate sector exactly looks like…(To normal people like you and me, at least!)

3 things you can't escape being a corporate sector employee:
  1. You need to behave like others and still pretend to present yourself as unique performer.
  2. Whether you want it or not, you are always in for the rat race.
  3. You can’t be straightforward to someone because it is rude as per office culture. 


Corporate Sector Employees behaving in the same way
and still pretending to look different. Seriously Funny!


Needless to say, I have been amongst such people; (Or in corporate language, I have had the privilege to be a part of one such esteemed corporate organization and blah!). And that is what introduced me to Stinky Story I would never forget.

Like all my beautiful colleagues (Huh! as if I mean it), I too was determined to win the rat race (that took place in a loop-Never Ending loop).


No matter how talented and hard-working professional you are, you always need to make your Boss Happy! And, If you are a Female and your boss is also a FEMALE... the process becomes next to IMPOSSIBLE! ComeOn! Each one of us knows the basic principle of + Repels + and - Repels -. (Oh! I wish I could write a whole chapter about how to keep your Female boss happy, especially when you are a woman too!).

Anyways, my luck was banged up enough to have an Attention Seeker Female boss having a special soft corner for boot lickers. But still, promotions are promotions and you don't want to miss a chance to grab the opportunity when it strikes at your cubicle. 

*The Smelly Encounter Saga Begins*

And, Finally, after long wait, the moment came, when my team leader was going on a maternity leave, Voillaaa...! Everyone wanted to fill the empty chair she left and our honorable manager had to decide that. But, Madame Manager could not do it without assuring that she made a right choice.


I had been really bad at being unnecessarily good to my boss. So, I had least possible chances to get selected for the next team lead. But, one day, Madame Manager walked to my cubicle and uttered these magical words, "I think you have the aura to be the next team lead, walk into my cabin in next 10 minutes and we'll see what we have in store for you."

Wow...! The moment you want to do Lungi Dance at your desk but manage to control the urge just because you are one well trained Corporate Animal.


I immediately rushed to her cabin, knocked gently and she threw a rude glance at me, "It just has been 2 minutes since I invited you, don't you remember I mentioned 10 minutes?" 

"Ah! I Just...Came to...Ah (arrggghhh! Why does human mind behaves like a monkey jumping for peanuts, quite often, while it is offered some interesting opportunity)"

"Forget it, just come in" She was at her best! (Bi**h)

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity, I just can't thank you more for understanding my potential and choosing me for Team Leader position" 

As I continued fumbling with my Vote of Thanks, she interrupted again, "Aah! Poor thing, don't make up success stories in your mind. I have just picked you for one week trial. If you succeed in impressing me, then only I will recommend you to the boss for Team Leader's position"

Wow! It was the moment I realised how much I hated her!


BUT, I was helpless. I couldn't do anything because I was chosen as a scapegoat already!


It was wiser to keep mum and go through the upcoming Trial Week somehow! I was worried and my senses had gone numb. But still, my nose was working fine as I realised during all this episode, I couldn't ignore the stinky smell hovering over my nose. 


Oh! How much people suffer just for a Chance of Promotion! Pshewww, I was about to realise that in upcoming Trial Week!

Day1

Madame Manager walked in and started babbling about how much she had worked for the company. Her achievements, her abilities to handle problems and the charisma she had in personality. Blah Blah Blah! 

My nose continued to feel uncomfortable because of the stinky stuff floating in the air. But, I had to pretend how carefully I was listening to each meaningless word she uttered. 

Day2

She asked me to be her secret informer. Keep an eye on the team members and update her with every little activity. She also told me that being a faithful informer to seniors is the secret to success. 

She had been talking against values and ethics, but what bothered me was sharp unpleasant smell hitting my nostrils. 

Day3

"So, what interesting did you hear in your team?" She asked in style

"Nothing!" I replied

"What! As I told you to keep your ears clean and open to store the information about your team, stories being made up against me, any rumours being spread about me, any work not being done...Why are you not doing it" I hated her authoritative tone.

"Well, I believe a team leader should rather pay attention in increasing team productivity and motivation level rather than spying on the members! That's unethical" I tried to be humble.

"Wow! Now I realise what a mistake I have made. See, who is here to tell me how to run a team. Don't forget I am a manager here...मैंने अपने पसीने की मेहनत से ये कुर्सी पायी है. I have sweated it out to earn the Manager Position!.... " She continued to babble but my mind was stuck at SWEAT!

My mind didn't listen to what she said. It rather was busy thinking--"Sweat! Oh, so this stinky smell is result of her so called पसीने की मेहनत. Hell, why can't she take a good bath for God Sake!"



Eewwww! I had been smelling this unhygienic lady and didn't even realise that my nose had been paying the biggest price for it. Hell Yes, I deserved to be the team leader, without being her secret informer or without sniffing her unbathed, unhealthy so called मेहनत का पसीना (Sweat of hardwork)!

I walked out of her cabin, I could notice my nose rushing out faster than rest of my body.


Day4

Madame Stinky walked to my desk and uttered few words in authoritative style, "So, Are you ready with your presentation Miss Deserving to be Team Leader?"

Today also she didn't bathe. I knew! The intensity of her deodorant explained it all! Oh God! Having a stinky boss was worse than having a nagging boss. (I just realised that).

"I want answers, where is the presentation?" She increased her pitch and harshened her tone. 

"Which presentation Ma'am?" I was confused!

"The one I asked to be ready with, Yesterday! The one, which would decide how hardworking and deserving you are for this Team Leader Position" Oh she was so loud!

I knew I had missed this information yesterday because I was too busy with dealing her unbearable bad body smell. 

"So, you are not ready! I smell defeat here.. I think I need to choose new candidate for this position! You are good for nothing." Anyone could sense arrogance in her tone... But wait, she could smell defeat... Something that didn't really exist BUT she couldn't smell her stinky stuff she carried in her body! Wow! I had had enough! It was time to rise.

"I am done with the presentation. Shall we move in and discuss." I stood up and waited for her nod.

She nodded and we walked to her stinky cabin. 

My Presentation

I started..."Dear Ma'am, I would expect you to act mature and normal during this presentation. I have noticed that you have put a lot of your पसीना (sweat) to earn this position. So, as per you, you deserve to hire, promote or fire my anytime you wish to. But, before you do anything, let me bring this into your notice that you have forgot to clean that पसीना you had let out to achieve this position. Or you did it intentionally because you wanted the world to know that you have flooded your sweat to become an annoying manager to take any unreal and unethical decisions."

She sprang up from her chair and shouted out, "What do you mean? You might get fired for uttering such nonsense!"



"I requested you to keep calm Ma'am the presentation isn't over yet. When you were around, I always wanted to know, What's that smell Boss But I could never imagine, being a manager you won't be careful towards your personal hygiene? How could you ensure cleanliness in your mind and clarity in your management decisions, when you carry filth all over your body? " 

"How dare you judge me?" She shouted!

"I might sound rude to you, but that's the truth maám that you need to take hot water bath every day in the morning or if possible twice a day. It will surely solve your hygiene problem and save other's nose from unwanted stinky smell."



She was silent now. So I continued, "Not taking bath regularly and being lazy about your personal hygiene is a bad habit, but you could easily get rid of it. If you wish I could give you some tips, like:
  • Don't miss on a hot water bath everyday! It will rejuvenate your mind, body and in fact soul.
  • Add some rose water or cooking salt to your hot water bucket/tub twice a week to freshen up your body
  • Rumour has it that companies like Racold have awesome water heaters (both electric and solar) to help making your daily bathing process easy and fun!
Presentation Over Ma'am, You might take your time and type my termination letter."

I rushed back to desk and sat down on the chair to control my heartbeats. I had never talked to any senior like this, before, ever! But, I was glad I raised voice to protect my nose against unhygienic smell and stinky torture. 

My system had a mail ping! I opened it in hassle, I knew it was my urgent termination news. But what I read out there made me smile:

"Thanks for Wonderful Presentation Dear! Wait for the official announcement for your promotion :)"

Wow! That was so filmy! Sob Sob! But, I was glad that my act of raising voice against smelly encounter changed someone's lifestyle habits for good.


For more information about corporate hygiene, Why don't you watch this video? And Discover yourself that  What's that smell, Boss? 



This post is my official entry under Close Encounters of the Smelly Kind Contest organised by Racold Water Heaters, In association with Indiblogger.



2 comments:

  1. This was hilarious and bold... Hahaha :-) all the best for the contest

    ReplyDelete

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