The few false hopes

I usually sit accompanied with silence, thinking about the moments that I generally don’t want to think of.

Though I have made peace with the pain and have allowed the stings of pain to pierce my senses whenever they wish to, but sometimes I feel suffocated with this pain and your everlasting existence in my thoughts. The situation is knotted with millions of invisible threads. The threads i am very familiar with and the knots that your absence tied.

Though the pain has gone denser, deep in my heart and it doesn’t reflect in my eyes now but I can feel its presence, deep down in my heart, piercing my each nerve until they bleed to wash away my strength to survive without you. The thing that we two shared and we named it “love” has melted with the wetness of my eyes and dampness caused by the blood-loss that my feelings experienced every new second.

It has been a long time since all this happened, you and I parted our ways, things are back to normal and we are now a forgotten ‘case’, buried in the ashes of time. You have headed your ways, leaving everything behind that had something to do with the bond between ‘you and me’. And you know what, it is too late for me to complaint for all this, as I said, our ‘case’ has been closed, buried and forgotten.

So why am I writing this if there are no issues so far. If I act naturally and be honest than the answer would be, May be I still miss you. May be my emotions that are buried under the ruins of time are still alive, feel suffocated and yearn to breathe. May be the heartbeats that had lost their meaning in your absence are still not convinced with the verdict of time and may be the false hopes that one day you will need me like I do, are bigger than the reality I am aware of that you have left everything which connected you with me, behind.

The few false hopes that are keeping me alive. May be thinking of you is the only way to survive, I am left with.

Beautiful stupidities

Remember you and I wandered around the streets of the city like crazy people, just to hunt a guitar for you. Gosh! You were so excited and over enthusiastic about your newly learnt lesson that whatever you wish to do, just do it. No wait, no need to hesitate and that really made you energetic enough to get out on the streets in the burning afternoon of May. And I had to come with you, no other option was left as we were friends and the basic rule of friendship emphasizes on the act of equally participating in the stupidities that the other chum does.

My legs had almost resigned and then finally we found one music instruments’ store. Hell! It was antique and unique enough to catch my eyeballs, I loved the interior and you indeed loved the each and every guitar placed there, gosh! You had a disorder of being a rock-star those days and I was the only fan you had, eham eham! Forced fan I would say.

“Ohk that one, naah something is missing, this one is cool, I hate the color, I need combo of this colour and that design and blah blah blah…” you kept saying things and I kept staring on the multi coloured walls and some beautiful instrument pieces. Finally you selected one. We contributed the coins that we collected for years in hostel days and there u were holding the guitar in hand exactly as a warrior does after winning the battle and I was there with you to share the celebration.

We celebrated until we reached home and you didn’t sleep that night, neither could I because a crazy little devil was banging the strings of guitar in awful manner and it sounded like a torture, but for you it was fun, the hidden guitarist inside you had its all senses stirred up and you were indeed geared up to continue that head-hammering live concert for whole night. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get that fever of being rock star out of your head so I joined in and we kept hitting the strings until our stomach started hurting with excessive laughter.

Ahww those were the days, you and I had time to implement our silly thoughts in our real life and turning dreams into reality meant life for us. Sometimes I notice that guitar of my rock-star friend, kept in one corner of the room; a layer of dust has made itself permanent there, you don’t bother even touching it and I notice it every time but I don’t bother bothering about your this doing.

I notice that you are not fine so do you, because whenever my heart says, “she’s not well”, the voices inside my head interrupt, “so am I”.  Things are complicated, so I prefer to keep quite. Things got changed because we let them. We changed our priorities, we broke the unsaid promises. We parted our ways, because we somewhere had no time to think about cherishing the days we spent together, golden days I would say.

We still talk, sit together, discuss issues, but what we have stopped doing is the bunch of stupidities, that made us feel like the free flying happy birds. Don’t know what is wrong; guess this is how it goes! But really miss the stupidities that we compromised for no reason!

On your birthday

Dear Kid,

Since the day you were born, I have experienced a slice of my existence growing in you. When I look at you, growing everyday, moving ahead in your life, unfolding each day with happiness and accepting each thing coming through with faith as a gift of Lord. In you, I see a beautiful woman that I ever dreamt to be. In you I see a spark to accomplish my dreams that I have carried half of the way and rest of them I have left for you, as a responsibility. I know I can keep writing millions of pages on your birthday to tell you what you are for me, but I have a better line to say.

“You are the one who will carry me across the generation by carrying my teaching and feelings in your existence. You will complete me and make me alive in this world, even when I will not be here. I love you my daughter. I am proud to be your MOTHER”

Love

Mom.

My princess,

You are the most precious thing I have ever achieved. You are the only dream of my eyes, which I nurture every time. I know you will fly in the skies of success and on your birthday, I want to tell you that whether you become a successful person in your profession or not (oh1 I know baby you definitely will), but you will be a successful daughter ever, and you are a sweetheart. You are the dream of my eyes that makes me smile and on the day you were born, I received the most beautiful gift ever and on your each birthday, I realize that this beautiful gift is forever mine.

“Love you my beautiful and shining dream.”

Hugs

Dad

My doll,

Do you know why I call you a doll, because the day you were born, I got a doll, which had beautiful curly hair and shiney black eyes and an everlasting battery that made you walk, talk, smile, blink those beautiful starry eyeballs. You were my favorite toy to play with and I hugged the whole world by hugging you. You have always been the one who were sent on the earth to tie a beautiful knot on my hand on the day of “Rakhi” and make me realize that I am not alone on that day. For me you are a beautiful doll, my little sis, who cares for me, joins hands and does prayers for me, you are the one who has made me realize that I am big and responsible.

“Love you my little doll, my all wishes are for you, forever, my little pride”

Love

Bro

On my birthday, I wanna thank God for blessing me with Mom, Dad and Bro. there could never have been any beautiful gift than this. Dear God thanks for blessing me with such a wonderful gift.

Love Mother, Father and Brother.

Piyu